Note to our readers: The “news” on this page is a result of creative collaboration with the editorial board, and is not to be taken seriously.

By a True Investigative Reporter

While most of us were settling in to our Fall 2013 semester, President of the Student Senate Justin Amann was settling into his new political role—and not the one that he now fills on the ESU campus.

Evidence has shown that Amann was integral in the Chris Christie bridge scandal that has rocked national news over the past few weeks.

According to sources inside the Christie camp, it was Amann that developed the idea of shutting down the lanes on the George Washington Bridge last fall causing the hours-long traffic backups in Fort Lee, NJ.

“We’re just not that creative,” said the source, “but Justin came in, saw the problem, saw the potential, and quickly solved it.  He knew the best way to get back at Fort Lee.”

For those who don’t know, lane closures on the George Washington Bridge last fall caused hours of traffic back-ups in the town of Fort Lee, NJ.

The traffic blocked school buses and emergency vehicles from reaching their destination.

Allegedly, the Christie camp initiated the devastating lane closures as a form of political revenge for the lack of support to the Christie re-election campaign by the mayor of Fort Lee, Mark Sokolich.

Sources say that it was not, in fact, Bridget Ann Kelly that emailed, “time for some traffic problems in Fort Lee.”

It was none other than our very own Justin Amann.

“The accusation that I could be involved in such a major situation is absurd,” said Amann.  “I simply do not have that kind of power.”

Yet, Chris Christie has followed a particular pattern in his interviews since the scandal emerged—one that is eerily reminiscent of our own Student Senate president.

“I watched a video online of Christ Christie ‘unequivocally’ denying his involvement in the scandal, and it was so obvious that he was coached by Justin Amann,” said Brook Wadle.  “Down to the hand gestures.”

Refer to the Stroud Shenanigans page for new developments on the Amann-Christie  relationship.

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