By Amy Lukac
As humans we evolve physically and change mentally. We are miniscule creatures taking over a substantial planet. Nobody knows why we are here, and if we were put here on purpose, or by accident. What I do know is we all have a chance to live a life we most likely will not be able to live again. I’m not sure how the rules work after we pass, but I do know that we have to evolve and change the necessary parts of our lives to continue with a great one.
I was one of many that were bully’s targets in middle school. Once I discovered what a straightener was, I magically started to gain friends freshman year of high school. I am lucky to be here today living healthy, but I can say that I didn’t realize that when I was younger. I took my life for granted and didn’t treat myself in the best ways.
Poor self-esteem got to my head, surrounding problems got to me as well, and I decided that body image or “being cool” was more important than schoolwork. All of my focus was elsewhere and I didn’t have a care in the world at the time.
Once junior year came a long and I found real friends. Or have I? I stopped hanging out with the wrong crowd and developed my own little “posse” of girls I met while getting involved with the musicals. I started to do a little better in school, but what was I mostly worried about? The fact that my “posse” happened to all be under 120lbs and gorgeous.
I put on a front, and acted as if my life was wonderful. I guess it wasn’t too bad considering, until family problems developed. When that all started, I felt as if I was on the “tilt-a-whirl” ride at a carnival. I was constantly feeling sick to my stomach, and wanting to escape. If it weren’t for a few people in my family, as well as a teacher that reached out to me, I wouldn’t be who I am today.
After I graduated, I moved in with my dad so that I can attend community college. Starting a semester late because I didn’t have a car, made me feel like I couldn’t do it. I thought I was kidding myself going to college. After classes started I realized that it wasn’t too bad. Sure I would dodge the pretty girl walking down the same hallway as me, but I was getting A’s in all of my classes.
Finally I was able to take journalism. I had to get out of my comfort zone and find random students on campus to interview. The first time, I wanted to puke but the more I interviewed, the easier it got.
I think my favorite memory from community college was when my creative writing professor asked me to stay after class so that she could talk to me. “You are a poet miss Amy. You’re writing is wonderful. Keep going with that,” she said to me.
I grew confidence after she told me that, and even more when ESU sent me the big envelope in the mail informing me that I got in. I moved in with my grandparents so I didn’t have to pay for a dorm or rent, and I started that spring semester.
Writing this today, I can honestly tell you that I feel a huge difference in myself, and I see a huge difference in my work. Although my writing has a long way to go, I still consider myself a decent writer, as well as a decent person.
Do I still have some self-esteem issues to work out? Of course, but those will probably always stay with me. Why doesn’t that bother me? Because my attitude about it is different. I no longer care much about what I look like to people.
Here is how I look at my life today: I am going to be 23-years-old, and still healthy. I’ve got great friends (none of them were from that “posse”) and people in my life. I have a job, and I’m doing well in school. Also, becoming an editor on the Stroud Courier makes me feel accomplished and proud of myself.
I was either put on this planet by accident or on purpose just like everyone else on this planet. We all started the same way, so why should I feel like I don’t matter?
All I’m trying to say is, we (probably) get one life to live. As cliché as that sounds, it’s the truth. Maybe we get more than one, but why would you want one of your however many lives to suck?
I’ve changed in many ways, and in good ways. I’m happy to be the person that I am today. I’ve made mistakes, and I’ve been put into terrible situations, however, those things changed certain parts of my life and myself, and I’ll forever keep growing into a better person.
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