Ask Becca: Dec. 1, 2016

Rebecca Rue
Opinion Editor

*Sending advice your way to deal with your dates, deadlines and dorm mates every week*

Dear Becca,

Over Thanksgiving break my best friend’s boyfriend broke up with her, and she is understandably very upset. I am at a loss about what to do or say because I don’t want to upset her any further. Can you give me any advice?

Sincerely,
Concerned for a Friend

Dear Concerned for a Friend,

This is an awful situation to be in. I empathize with you and your friend.

First and foremost, just make sure she knows that you are there for her.

When we feel down, the most crucial thing can be the knowledge that someone understands and supports us.

Be careful with your choice of words.

If you have no frame of reference to know exactly how she feels, that’s okay.

You don’t have to know in order to be there for her properly.

Ask her if you can what she needs from you and what you can do.

Can she use a companion while she’s working, or while she’s running errands?

It may not seem like tagging along will make a big difference, but it will.

Just keeping her company is important.

Does she need to vent or cry about the situation?

If so, sit with her as long as she needs and listen.

What does she like to do normally?

Can you arrange any activities to help take her mind off of what happened?

You can both stay in and watch Netflix and have some popcorn.

Take her window shopping, to a movie or anything else that you both enjoy.

Simply put, all she needs is for you to care and put in the effort to be there for her.

I sincerely hope that everything gets better for her soon.

Dear Becca,

My good friend of the past two years just told me that he has feelings for me, but I don’t feel the same way. I don’t know what to say, can you help me?

Sincerely,
Out of Sorts

Dear Out of Sorts,

I am so sorry. I would not wish this situation on anyone.

First and foremost, you really need to consider how much you value your friendship together.

There are no words that will lessen the blow for him, but you can do your best to be respectful of his feelings.

If it will help you, sit down and consider what exactly you want to say to him.

Write everything down if you need to.

Doing so could help prevent the wrong message being conveyed or help keep a tough conversation on track.

Find some time to talk to him, and be respectful but honest.

Emphasize you do still want a relationship, but one where you can remain friends.

After that, the rest is up to him. I hope it all works out.

Email Becca At:
rrue@live.esu.edu

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