Identifying Toxic Relationships

Photo Courtesy/ Flickr Toxic relationships can devastate lives and create patterns of negativity in the lives of both the people involved and the people around them. Recognizing toxicity means looking within as well as at a partner.

Adam Capotorto 

Staff Writer 

Most relationships are built on a foundation where two people work to better one another, to pick each other up and make sure that they both succeed. But some relationships do the exact opposite.

According to Health Scope, a toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner.

These relationships come in all different shapes and sizes. Some of us are unknowingly being the victim of a toxic partner, others are unaware of the effect their actions are having on their other. However, there are some that are purposely toxic.

So many people confuse the idea that a toxic relationship is only a relationship where a partner is physically abusive.

This could not be further from the truth.

Have you ever ignored your partner because you thought they were annoying or ridiculous? Well, that’s a toxic trait. And if you do it frequently or severely enough, chances are you’re creating a toxic relationship.

Other signs you are in a toxic relationship, according to Reader’s Digest, including feeling uneasy around your partner, isolation or your partner wants you all to themselves and constant fighting.

I’m not saying that if you get in an argument with your significant other you’re a bad person. Arguments happen all the time in relationships, and sometimes you can react poorly by giving your partner the cold shoulder. A minor thing like that is nothing scandalous.

However, if this is how you resolve all your issues in the relationship, or you do something more severe. You have a problem.

At no point in a relationship is it okay to intentionally insult or harm your partner in any way. There is absolutely no excuse for bringing someone down, especially if its someone who looks to you for support. If you have to manipulate your partner, the truth is that you are not suited for a relationship.

If you truly want to be with someone, you will communicate with them in a way that is respectful.

Again, it’s perfectly okay to get into petty fights about silly subjects, that’s perfectly natural. But what isn’t natural is to stop seeing someone as a person and instead of seeing them as an object you can use to get your way.

If your partner is acting in a way that shows that they have no real respect for you as a person, then it’s time to leave. Regardless of your enamor for your partner, if they show you their true colors and it’s a toxic green, then you do not need to be in that relationship anymore.

A toxic personality trait in your partner is not your job to fix. Your partner must first come to terms with their trait and do some self-reflection, possibly therapy to help change it.

A toxic personality is not something you wait for them to fix, nor is it something you can fix. That’s an issue they have to resolve on their own, and if they say their working on it, believe me when I say it’s a lie. The only real way for a toxic personality to be fixed is if the person with it reflects on themselves, and if they still “have” you, they won’t even bother to do so.

Truth is, when it comes to a relationship, it’s a “you and I” ordeal. Meaning you and your partner are responsible for making it work. That’s something I feel is lost on so many people. It’s about the “and”.

You and your partner.

If you and your partner are not working together, but rather working separately, or even worse, against each other, then I have news for you:

You’re in a toxic relationship, it’s time to either find someone new or become a new person.

Email Adam at: 

acapotorto@live.esu.edu

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