Courier budget questioned after banana-car acquisition

The Courier’s new banana-car is the height of outrageous expenditures. Photo Credit / The Stroud Courier
The Courier’s new banana-car is the height of outrageous expenditures. Photo Credit / The Stroud Courier

The Courier’s new banana-car is the height of outrageous expenditures.
Photo Credit / The Stroud Courier

Note to our readers: The “news” on this page is a result of creative collaboration with the editorial board, and is not to be taken seriously.

By Confused Stroud Courier Editors

The Stroud Courier’s budget was called into question after the club purchased a banana car with their advertising revenue.

“Val and I have wanted that banana car since the fall,” said Managing Editor Victoria Krukenkamp.

“We know we’re graduating soon, but it’s something that we can take with us into the future. With all the  hard work we’ve put in, don’t we deserve that?”

Editor-in-Chief Valentina Caval signed off on the purchase early in the semester, but it took some time for the students’ dream car to be built.

“We just look so good rolling into the scene of a story in our banana car,” said Caval. “I’m kind of like batman now.”

“I’ll do anything to increase readership,” said Krukenkamp, “and if that means people need to associate the courier with a banana car — well, then, people need to associate the courier with a banana car.”

For next year’s budget, the students have not stopped with the over the top requests as future Editor-in-Chief Jamie Reese is seeking permission to purchase a helicopter.

“We need the helicopter so that we can be first on the scene for breaking news next semester,” said Reese.

“Of course we will also need a full-time pilot on staff to fly the helicopter whenever we need.”

The helicopter is part of Reese’s plan to introduce mixed-media reporting to The Stroud Courier next semester.

“Basically, I plan to take over the campus and then the world,” laughed Reese maniacally.

The Stroud Courier’s budget situation is now under review by the student senate and the student activities association.

The review should take no longer than the APSCUF review of the PASSHE school’s budgeting practice, and the results should be published no later than next week.

“We’re using the accounting firm Boyer & Ritter to look into the courier’s budgeting practices,” said Vice-President for Administration and Finance Ken Long.

“We backed them going to a media conference in New York, but we certainly question whether these recent purchases were necessary,” said Provost Van Reidhead.

Email The Stroud Courier at:

stroudcourier@yahoo.com

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.