The Invisible Voice: Going Dutch

By Brittany Barnes
SC Staff Writer

On March 20, 2015 user NaturalNeiicey uploaded a video onto YouTube explaining her first date with a man she met on the popular dating mobile app, Tinder.

During the video she states, “He paid for my drinks and if I wanted anything to eat. I really didn’t want him to because then they start expected things.”

User Vanessa Vall left a comment under her video stating, “It’s called a date…you don’t pay for anything. You are beautiful, he supposed to do all and more. Don’t accept less and don’t pay. When you start paying he starts losing respect and interest. Always be a lady, you deserve it. You are a doll!”

After reading this comment I began to think maybe I’ve been going about dating all wrong.

When I go out, sometimes I pay, sometimes my boyfriend pays, but most times we split the bill.

The idea that “you don’t pay for anything” and “he’s supposed to do all that and more” bothers me. And I’m not sure how paying for your own drinks and food results in a loss of respect.

After looking around on the internet and asking some other students I have come to find that a lot of people believe that men should pay for dates, especially the first date. says, “Going Dutch on a first date is a common occurrence nowadays when men can claim gender equality and weasel their way out of what is supposed to be a respectable, romantic, and courteous gesture.”

To me this suggests that women cannot be respectable, romantic, and courteous to the man they are dating.

In the same article titled “Why We Need to Stop Going Dutch on Dates,” Yan Koh says “It feels good to be treated and taken out.”

Koh is right, it does feel good to be treated. But why should women be the only recipients of being treated?

“If you want the possibility for a second date or action, you’ll need to shell out the money.”

This implies that women can be bought and the only way to get any “action” out of a woman you must spend money.

Koh also said, “Just because feminism is alive doesn’t mean that chivalry is dead, people.”

Actress and founder of the gender equality campaign “HeForShe,” Emma Watson says, “Chivalry should be consensual.”

Watson tells her story of taking a man out for dinner, choosing the restaurant, and picking up the check.

She says it was awkward and uncomfortable but “It’s a problem when people expect things to be a certain way and to follow a certain status quo.”

I asked a female student, who chose to remain nameless, if she believes in gender equality. She responded with a “yes.”

But when I asked whether the man or the woman should pay for a date, she said “that’s the man’s job.”

Some women expect to be treated like equals but also want to conform to social norms when convenient.

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