By Richard MacTough
Breakups can be the most painful time in a young adult’s life.
Perhaps you’re thinking about what could have been done differently or you’re analyzing the faults of you or your former partner.
As someone who just came out of a year and a half relationship, my breakup has really taken a toll on my mental health.
It is never the dumper or dumpee’s fault.
Both sides have their own insecurities and reasons for feeling what the partner did wrong.
Here are some tips that I have found helped me in dealing with my own situation.
1. Stop blaming your partner or yourself.
This is a normal part of life. In an age of digital technology where we can swipe right based off of someone’s attractiveness, we always want more.
I did not know what I wanted in the beginning of my relationship. I know I was really looking forward to connecting with and falling in love with someone, but relationships are so much more.
It takes work.
My ex and I (who I now consider a friend) just kept pointing fingers at each other.
We were getting nowhere in our arguments. She and I agreed we were different people than in the beginning of the relationship.
You both want different things, and sometimes the same as well.
To help you move on, write a letter admitting your own faults.
Don’t stray away from this main subject while writing it and try to explain why your faults were fine with reasoning and excuses.
Forgive each other because guilt and shame will be waiting for you at the end of the day otherwise.
2. Hang with Friends.
Friends are great for distraction and can really brighten up your day.
I went to a haunted house with some of mine.
Before it, I was miserable— I only thought about her and it was depressing.
I was stuck in my head thinking about this weird scenario, that this break-up was a cruel ploy to surprise me with a marriage proposal.
Yes, I as a guy thought the woman was going to propose.
When I went to that haunted house, I became energized and was completely distracted.
My friends and I laughed and we had a good time.
3. Expectations vs. Reality.
As I mentioned earlier, I had endless thoughts of expectations that we were going to get back together.
I would see her at a concert of a band her and I bonded on.
We would talk about the hard couple of months, then she and I would be back together.
It would be great, except that likely isn’t going to happen.
At least one person decided the relationship was toxic.
If you decide to be friends, give each other time because one of you may get the wrong impression and create a bigger mess.
There will be someone else someday.
Relationships are about chemistry and timing.
Maybe one day your relationship will revive, but try to keep in mind that will most likely not happen.
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