Being in a relationship and managing intimate friendships at the same time can be hard, especially when people don’t get along or your time is split.
But I never truly understood the concept that people just disappear from the planet after getting in a relationship.
I’ve seen it happen with my own friends.
Where it seems like one day you’re pledging allegiance to each other as second siblings forever and then the next day, they’re suddenly always busy or making excuses as to why they can’t be bothered to respond to simple texts.
It’s heartbreaking, demeaning, and almost cruel to be the victim of such an unreasonable loss.
So why do I see it happen so often and why do we just accept this trend?
It wasn’t until I fell hard that I began to understand the reasoning behind this twisted logic.
The beginning of a relationship can be pretty crazy.
Hormones are going insane, all you can think about is that other person, responsibilities go out the window… and your friendships seem to fall further and further back in the line of priority.
Falling in love is a whirlwind of emotion and keeping tight-knit friendships intact can be difficult when all you want to do is spend all of your time with the one person who has now become your sole object of desire (not to objectify a person).
As a friend, it can be hard to see your ride or die squad member suddenly seem to be busier and busier as their new relationship spawns.
Love happens fast once the ball is rolling and it’s important for friends to understand that.
A new couple needs time to get to know each other and relish in each other’s company.
I mean, think about it, before their new partner arrived, how much time were you spending together with your BFF?
Probably a lot of your free time, if not all.
Give them their space and let them fall into that happy place with their newfound lover.
But it is crucial to remember that this is a temporary phase and even during, you should feel cut off completely from that person’s life.
As a new couple switches to routine and gets past the notorious “honeymoon phase”, friends should start seeing a difference.
Of course, nothing will go back to the way things were, but you should never feel like you’ve been forgotten or abandoned.
These are clear red flags of a failing friendship and signs that maybe this person isn’t worth the trouble.
A real friend in a healthy relationship will still feel those ties to their friends even after falling in love.
Talking and growing together as you follow your life paths should be the root of a friend-lationship.
Accepting your friend’s partner into your life may feel like a sacrifice at first, but the friendship between you should strengthen that bond as you realize this person is now in the picture.
This transition will not be easy, but necessary.
In the end, friendships should strengthen after significant life events and you should always feel loved and appreciated by every one of your friends, regardless of their love life.
Email Natalie at: